Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. – James 4:14 
Years ago at a homeschool conference, I was teaching a class on managing a home, when an audience member asked for advice on handling life with homeschool and aging parents. I had absolutely no advice or thoughts to share because I was not there yet. My parents lived in Michigan, 7 hours a way. They drove down on occasion, and we drove up at times, but I was never responsible for their care.
Now that I am finally in this unique stage of life, I do have some thoughts to share.
First, watching my parents struggle with their health has made me see first hand that aging is painful and slow and that time is relentlessly destroying our bodies up until our last breath. I can not stop the aging process. I can’t avoid every malady.But I am also not helpless. I can control what I put in my mouth. I can move more, and sit less. I can take my vitamins, drink water and eat more fruits and vegetables. I can keep my annual check-ups. I’ll take care of my teeth (cup teeth are pretty awful). Don’t get me wrong. My father was fit most of his life- very fit in fact. And many of their problems (such as kidney failure) were not caused by bad living. They may have done all the right things and still be struggling now. But I most certainly am not doing all the right things. And I am making changes.
Second, I won’t forget to tell the people I love that I love them. I almost lost my father this year. I almost lost my mother. I sure hope that if and when they do go, I will know that they know how deeply loved they are. The same, however should be true for all my family. My children should hear it. They should know I am always on their side, no matter what. They should know I miss them when they are not with me, and that I appreciate them. I should listen. I should engage.
Third, I won’t complain about their care. I won’t. It’s simply a privilege and an honor to give them any care they need, even when I am tired, busy, sick, or otherwise less than my best. I will remember how very grateful I am to have time with them here. I will teach my children to show respect and to offer help when needed. They will be taught that to serve my parents is a high honor.
Forth, I will not neglect my own children or my husband due to their care. This may get really hard as their needs increase. I am sure the Lord will provide a way and the right attitude when it is needed. For now, it’s a day to day matter. There are a great many days right now when they need nothing at all from me. But when health events happen, they need round the clock care. I’ll figure it out as I go.
Fifth, as I figure things out, I will be honest. I may be raw some days. I remember one day I called a friend because I needed to cry to someone not involved in the situation. I basically cried and whined and said all the awful, stupid, childish things I could think of to say. All in a two hour session over tea. Some days are easy. Some days are really not. The emotional toll of realize your parents really are not going to live forever has been strikingly hard. I’ll walk in dignity and do what I need to do, but if you ask how it’s going, I will tell the truth.
Sixth, I won’t delay doing amazing things NOW in order to save up for security later. I don’t mean I am cashing in the 401K and going to the Bahamas, but if my husband wants to go on a cruise this year to celebrate our 25th anniversary, I am going to try to figure it out. Waiting until he retires may mean waiting until our health is failing and we are not free to travel.
Seventh, I want less stuff, less baggage, less furniture and less waste.I don’t want to live in a greedy, self-serving, money-hungry way. I want to live generously like my parents do. I want to live with my hands open to my children and to those in need. I want to see other people’s needs and meet them. My parents have done this their whole lives, when they were scraping pennies and now, when they are not. I want to be like that.
